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A Benediction of Discomfort

I’ve been procrastinating on writing this blog, hoping that some inspiration would hit me and I would punch out a message that would lift you up and fuel your desire to care for God’s world and its’ people. Usually it comes. 

But today I have nothing. Some days I can’t even muster enough energy or inspiration to get myself going let alone write a blog post. No amount of hope talk or inspirational memes can replace the sadness of a world gone crazy. I know I’m “supposed” to pray harder, read my bible better, see the good in things, be a blessing to my neighbor but some days I just can’t. 

I had a friend tell me to think of my tears as prayers of intersession for all those who I see suffering and feel so deeply for. I guess I’ve been praying constantly lately then. The weight of the world knocks me to my knees and whispers “there is no hope, why bother?” 

Is it my depression rearing it’s ugly head? Is it my “coming of age” (I am 48 after all)? Is it living in a small town with very few resources at my fingertips? Or is it the reality of running a household full of teens while trying to grow my own food, can my own produce, harvest my garden, pick berries, process apples, reduce reuse recycle, and volunteer my time to run a fish hatchery & environmental education program all while feeling I’m not doing enough to help others in my community? 

I don’t know. 

All I know is that it is. And I have no inspiring words to tell you except to say that sometimes life’s like that. Do I fall at the feet of my savior and rest on the knowledge of His grace? Yes, not because I am being intentional about my faith or because I trust and put my hope in Him or whatever Christianese you want to attach to it… but because I’m exhausted, unsure, confused, alone and “not fit for human consumption”. 

So instead of inspiring words from my own experience I leave you with this Franciscan Benediction I ran across on facebook the other day…I have been fully “blessed” by the first portion of each paragraph while working desperately on the living out the “So that’s”. I hope you are farther along than I but if not…know that you are not alone.

Franciscan Benediction


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