Civility in Public Discourse

Writing on dialogue and respect for the "other side" has its challenges. As much as I’d like to think I’m adaptable, I bring biases to a task like this. Like any biases, mine are formed by experience – my professional interest and personal passion is to offer a Christian vision of hope and justice in the diverse and complex world of public policy and citizenship. Long experience and hard lessons in that game have formed these basic bents:
• we peer through a glass darkly;
• we are called to faithfulness and not necessarily success; and

A number of years ago, a group of us asked our Indigenous elders about their often demonstrated dedication and faithfulness, “How did you do this? How do you do this?” We struggled to get people to attend meetings and even worship, much less to get involved in leadership. For our own work as leaders, we were overwhelmed by the alternating emotion of our meetings, veering from intense mediocrity and boredom to frustrated anger and conflict.

I’m grateful to have been invited to contribute to this series on “How to stay in conversation with the ‘Other Side’.” As our congregations in the CRC become increasingly diverse, this is an essential question. Having been involved in dialogue, in many different contexts, at the intersection of faith and sexuality and the realities of our LGBTQI (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex) siblings in Christ for the last 14 years, I have been able to observe helpful and effective postures and values in the pursuit of mutual understanding and unity.

When you throw verses at someone and tell them that their role in the church is not ‘true to scripture,’ what you are saying is, “Nope, God is not calling you to do what you think you are being called to do or be who you think God is calling you to be.” Scripture should be our guide. Absolutely. As you are guided by Scripture, be aware that the “cost” of a certain interpretation of Scripture may be much higher for someone else than it is for you.

A great song by African-American composer V. Michael McKay called “Koinonia,” goes like this: 

How can I say that I love the Lord,

whom I’ve never ever seen before,

and forget to say that I love the one

whom I walk beside each and every day?

How can I look upon your face

and ignore God’s love—you I must embrace! 

You’re my brother, you’re my sister,

and I love you with the love of my Lord.

One of the most troubling realities of my life has been my deep differences with some of the people I love most. When it comes to some of what I feel with the most intensity, believe with the strongest conviction, care about most deeply, I have had to accept that these beloved ones are not going to change – and neither am I. 

I realized that for many or most of these participants this sharing circle was the first time they had the space to really tell their story or cry out for answers. 

The Internet does not have a good reputation for encouraging civil conversation and thoughtful dialogue. It’s a place where people can spew hatred, vilify their opponents, and generally behave in unfortunate ways. It’s a place people claim either has zero consequences or massive consequences for “the real world,” depending on the issue and their personal preferences.

While that’s all true, I’ve also found the Internet a place that expands my ability to engage with those with whom I disagree.

I was recently in a conversation with a friend who had a visceral reaction to the word “socialism.” I was hoping to engage in a conversation about what one of the current presidential candidates was promoting: “democratic socialism”—but my friend would have none of it. She clearly had an emotional impediment to even discussing it. I wondered why that was. 

David Gushee recently wrote a couple of blog posts noting how the issue of inclusion of sexual minorities in the church is redefining the evangelical landscape. It is putting the squeeze on communities to such a degree that it is permanently reshaping institutional and relational boundaries. Synod 2016 will feel that pressure.

I want to invite you to ponder the following. While this squeeze feels new, difficult conflicts like this aren’t.