Where Healing Happens

Discount? Why, yes please! A friend asked if I was interested in attending the Courageous Conversations Conference, with her to be a part of a group rate. Courageous Conversations is “an annual gathering that unites Black voices from both conservative and progressive spaces and believes in the power of diverse thought to foster growth and understanding.” Get a discount? To attend a conference I already planned on attending? Yes, Ma’am! The conference, organized by Jude 3, had already been on my radar since I saw some of their content on social media. A space where a black perspective of faith would be centered, hmm yeah, I thought to myself, this just might be the place I need to be to take that next step in my healing journey. 

As I sat in one of the sessions and began to recognize how unique of a space it was, I had an ‘aha’ moment. Being in a predominantly Christian Black space, with theological thought and discourse through panels but without traditional preaching was so different from what I’ve ever experienced in black churches. As I listened and sat, enveloped in the experience, I realized in my early 20s when I left the black church I grew up in, I thought a more diverse church or even white church would do “it” right. That the hurt I’d experienced was because we didn’t know how to do church right. What I saw as major issues of the black church, emotionalism, lack of training and education would be remedied in a place that was not predominantly black. I’m still pondering this line of thought, the racist roots of them, and what I believe now, as I survey all that I’ve learned on my journey through many different kinds of churches, of all denominations and diverse backgrounds in various places. 

Places where I’ve found healing, have been places that have been authentic.

I recently heard Jackie Dorman, a Christian matchmaker say, “Hurt in family, healed in family”. And she applies this saying to other things as well, fill in the blank: “Hurt in ____, healed in ____.”  I wondered if this was true for me “Hurt in black church, healed in black church?” Or even, “hurt in church, healed in church?” I’ve done some reflection and I think it is true for me. And at the conference– I received healing in the black church. 

Many of the folks I grew up with in church are no longer church goers. Some of the folks I've partnered with in different ministries and churches over the years are no longer church goers. The hurt, the dysfunction and the broken systems have kept some of them away. But I don’t think attending church or even a specific kind of church is what’s most important to find healing.  

Places where I’ve found healing, have been places that have been authentic. The people present have been honest about their faith, their struggles, their imperfections, and willing to talk about them while wanting to continue to grow. They have been places I’ve felt welcomed, invited and heard. For me, they have been the church. But not necessarily the physical place. It’s been places where the local church has been the church, and not necessarily during church services. Not gonna lie, I still at times struggle with attending church services and listening without being overly skeptical. While I think there’s a good sense of skepticism that’s needed to make us like the Bereans, I also don’t want a hardened heart that can’t hear wherever God chooses to speak. 

And as I’m there with my questions, things in my heart have been healed little bit by little bit.

Without going into all the gory details of the church hurt I’ve experienced, and acknowledging where I’ve been healed, I’m still skeptical of church systems. I’m still skeptical of pastors on pedestals, yet I am a ‘shareholder’ of a local church body. 

A few years ago, as I was growing irritated with evangelical culture, observing the next celebrity pastor fall and feeling lost in the sauce at the megachurch I attend, I contemplated leaving. Not the Big ‘C’ Church but my local church. Feeling disconnected (some of it, resulting from my own choices), and frustrated with our local expression of faith, I asked questions-some of which I still don’t have the answers. Are we doing church ‘right’? Is there a ‘right’ way? How many harmful practices have we adopted from American culture? Which don’t matter? Should we have church structures like this? The list goes on.  

After evaluating my needs, though- a deep one for community–real, authentic community that would help me grow I recognized that despite the questions, the people I trusted and wanted to grow with were at my local church. And as I’m there with my questions, things in my heart have been healed little bit by little bit.

I don’t think there will ever be a time that I stop being hurt in church, community or life but I want to keep being open to receiving healing in some of those same places. I know this doesn’t apply to abuse situations, and some of the same places, won’t be the literal place, but rather what they embody. I have so much more to ponder, and process to continue to heal and grow but I think what I’ve learned on the journey is that healing is possible, and it’s possible in places you may not expect.