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When I was 11 years old…

I prayed & I prayed 
Oh what I would trade
For blonde hair & blue eyes.
My innocent self thought maybe just maybe I wouldn’t have to carry this burden inside
The pain of dark skin and Distinct features
Made me think I was the sin
On my hands and my knees
My ignorant faith
Begged my Maker-pleeeeeaaasee
take away my own hate
When I was 11 years old
I could not understand
This Shame was given to me by the colonial
You see, The Doctrine of discovery
Destroyed my  core identity
For I despised the reflection in the mirror  reminding me I was the uncivilized 
The messages
The words
The whispers 
The lies all left this young mind traumatized
And So I made myself small
Buried my heart  and gave away it all
When I was 11 years old…
I( didn’t know the rules of this game 
I didn’t know the how to shift the blame
I didn’t know how to manueuver so I felt safe
I didn’t know the system 
A system that would bring me on my hands and knees
And it was On my hands and knees 
I begged creator 
Change me
Assimilate me.
I was right where they wanted me to be.
Oh but the winds of change came
And Creator called me my name
The call was always there 
but this time my spirit could hear
I rose with fire-i rose a blazing furious fire
And I burned down the walls that conspire
Against my Indigneous fire
I dug my hands into motherearth
I let a new song be birthed.
The matriarchs sang me back to life
“Welcome home” -my child you have always been the light
And so I say my 11 year old self
Take your dark hair  and dark skin
And give the world your sacred medicine


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