Train Up a Child

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.  Psalm 22:6 (NIV)

When we announced to our family, friends, colleagues, and the congregation we were serving at the time that we were moving to Italy to serve with the Reformed Church in America, the questions began. Good questions. Thoughtful questions. Caring questions.

Do they understand why you’re moving?

What do your daughters think about moving? Have they flown on an airplane before? How do they feel about moving so far away from family and friends? Do they already speak Italian, and if no, how will they learn? Do they understand why you’re moving? What will happen if they don’t like living in Italy?

Our daughters were born into a ministry family. They were 4 years old and 5 months old when they experienced their first move from Michigan to western New York for the sake of the call. They understood that we, as a family, attended church together every Sunday morning (and at our first church, every Sunday evening and Wednesday evening as well). They were taught, from the beginning, what their father’s vocation as a minister meant, as well as their mother’s vocation as a social worker. They were encouraged to actively participate in ministry with us, building relationships in the communities we were called to serve.

Our daughters were born into a ministry family.

When we were ready to talk to the girls about moving overseas, we explained to them that daddy had attended a conference in Italy the year before and heard about the number of people, mostly from Africa and the Middle East, who were fleeing their homes and crossing the Mediterranean Sea before arriving in Italy. We explained how sad and scared and lonely these people must feel, and that we believe the Bible tells us to care for them. We found some children’s books that helped explain some of the experiences of people forced to flee their homes.

Petra embraced the idea wholeheartedly; it was much easier for her since she had not started school in the U.S.. Sophia struggled a little more. At eight years old she had already started school and had developed friendships. She had more to lose. Yet she had the wisdom to better understand the why, and despite her very understandable questions and uncertainties, she embraced the move.

During our time in Italy, our children were just as much a part of the ministry as my husband and I. In the churches we served, they developed amazing relationships not only with Italians, but also with our brothers and sisters who were migrants, refugees, and asylum seekers from various countries in Africa.

We found some children’s books that helped explain some of the experiences of people forced to flee their homes.

They learned to sing songs in Twi, to clap and dance their way up to the collection plate every Sunday in an act of joyful giving, to eat fufu with their fingers and suck frozen mango juice out of plastic bags with the corner cut off during agape (potluck) meals at church.

They met many of the women I worked with who were survivors of trafficking and sexual exploitation. They did not understand the pain and suffering these women had experienced in their lives (at least not until we returned to North America for our first home assignment and shared some of their stories with supporting churches). But they knew these women were in need of care.

They learned to sing songs in Twi, to clap and dance their way up to the collection plate every Sunday.

It was simultaneously encouraging and heartbreaking when, on more than one occasion, the women approached me to express their surprise and sheer delight that my blue-eyed, blonde-haired American daughters could show such love and respect for them as dark-eyed and dark-haired African women. Encouraging that my daughters genuinely embraced these women as God’s image-bearers, and heartbreaking because they have not experienced this acknowledgement by more people with different eye or hair colors than their own.

When three Syrian families arrived in our community as part of my work with the Humanitarian Corridors project, a private sponsorship program that provided safe passage for Syrian refugees living in a refugee camp in Lebanon to resettle in Italy, Sophia and Petra became the most hospitable neighbors and friends imaginable.

They helped us bake and decorate cakes to celebrate birthdays with them.

They immediately befriended the adults and children alike. They helped us bake and decorate cakes to celebrate birthdays with them. Sophia would run to the apartment right below ours to care for baby Maria when her tired mom (who had four other children to care for) needed an extra pair of hands, and Petra became the fierce advocate for the children who attended her school, making sure their needs were met.

In all these ministry opportunities, our children were able to care for those deeply hurt by our broken world in ways that my husband and I, as adults, could not. My daughters’ understanding of biblical principles of hospitality, of caring for the stranger, of biblical justice, and of seeing the image of God in others grew immensely during our time in Italy, and they are values we see them living out now that we have returned to the United States.

The good news is that children can learn to engage these same biblical principles without moving overseas.

The good news is that children can learn to engage these same biblical principles without moving overseas! There are opportunities in every church and every community for children to begin learning and practicing these principles. I, personally, am looking forward to reading this new book by Lisa Van Engen and think it could be a good resource for others who want to start children on the path of engaging biblical justice issues in our broken and hurting world so loved by God.